A Wright World

Stop Waiting!

          People convince themselves that life will be better after they get married, have a baby, then another. Then they are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and they’ll be more content when they are. After that they’re frustrated that they have teenagers to deal with. They will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. People tell themselves that their lives will be complete when their spouse gets his or her act together, when they get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when they retire.

People failing to communicate in this era…

When someone speaks to you face to face, there are thousands of non-verbal cues to let you know what they are trying to express. The same exact words can change meaning with a shrug or a sigh. Indeed, even how the person stands can let you know if they are really interested in what you are saying. If someone leans in while you speak, chances are they’re interested. If they looks around the room, at their watch, or at the table, they are not interested in the subject.

There is a reason that final job interviews are held in person, and not over the phone or via the Internet. You can’t really gauge a person based on their word choice alone. Phone interviews can sometimes help you gauge the person’s professionalism and tone of voice, but a face to face interview is usually necessary when making a final decision. Subtle clues can let you know if a person really means what they are saying, and in-person communication cannot be effectively replaced.

The problem is that everyone is so busy! Rushing to work, then the store, the gas station, pick up the kids, then home again, leaves little time for visiting. It’s much easier to stay in touch with a quick text or Facebook update. Today you have to really work to establish and maintain real communication.

One of the biggest issues with written communication is the failure to express tone of voice. It’s so easy to misinterpret a message by imagining that the other person is angry, being silly, or dead cold serious. We’ve tried to make up for this problem with many different, tired-out emotes, and even those can sometimes add confusion. A wink ; ), could be interpreted as flirting when the sender only meant it as a smile. Even more confusion abounds when the receiver doesn’t understand the emote. For example (^o^) This LOL emote could be misinterpreted as a clown, a sniff, or even a Hello Kitty… Best one I have come across lately is the hug from a blackberry. When sent to an iPhone, it shows up as ({}) … Receiving this from your mom isn’t the greatest thing in the world, but it is a great laugh. 

Although e-mails, Facebook, Twitter, and texting can help open the doors to communication, by expressing your frustrations, status, or moods, it is not a replacement to real communication. 

Our society needs to strive to maintain real relationships that involve going outside the front door. A visit to mom should never be replaced with an e-mail. A hug cannot be replaced with a >:D< It just doesn’t feel the same.

Living a Life of Passion…

Often times, it takes a tragic event for us to remember to live life with passion. Or perhaps, an “Aha” moment that brings us back to the simplest of ideas. Life is essentially all we have, and why not live it passionately? What good are we to ourselves, and others, if we sail through life without passion?

Most people might attribute the word “passion” to couples in love. But think about the meaning of the word “passion”. Dictionary.com identifies it as, “any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.” Those powerful feelings that stir within us are what makes us human. These feelings are what makes us special, as we each have our very own and unique emotions and feelings. These should be embraced and celebrated.

Everyone is affected by different life experiences. What makes us feel passionately, might not make another feel the same way. It is important to do a little soul searching in order to determine where your areas of passion lie.

When you wake up in the morning, take a walk over to your door or window. Take a few moments to reflect on what you see. Relish in the uniqueness of what you see, instead of wishing you were seeing differently. If possible, open the door or window and take a breath of fresh air. Whether it is cold or warm where you live, there is something deeply powerful about fresh air. Yet, it is something we all take for granted everyday. We go about our daily life breathing in and out, and yet rarely do we realize the air we breathe.

As you go through your day, appreciate everyone you come in contact with. I know you may be tempted to be rude to that drive through person who was rude and abrupt with you, but don’t do it. Smile, say “Thank you”, and “Have a nice day!”. It may be hard to do in that moment, but as you drive away, you will smile to yourself and feel good, instead of reeling from a nasty encounter.

There are several things you can do for people throughout your day; open the door for people behind you, hold the elevator door open for someone running for it, or pick up the pen that someone has dropped. Whatever you encounter, help people. By the end of the day, you will feel better for it. If you are not sure that this will work, I urge you to give it a trial run for one day. What do you have to lose?

If you are having trouble feeling inspired to live passionately, think back to experiences you have had that evoked these strong feelings in you. For myself, I love to travel and certain places make me understand that I am here to live. There is a beach down the street from my house that I enjoy immensely. I also love to go to nearby coffee shops, where I can hear the locals talk about whats current in their lives. Perhaps, for you, you are inspired by other people. Surround yourself with these inspirations and you will in turn feel the passion.

If you are passionate about certain activity’s in life, then become involved! If you think you are too busy, I am here to assure you, you are not. Make the time! If you are that passionate about it, it is worth it. Do you like gardening? Or perhaps you prefer building cars. Find a way to work it in your schedule, and find a way to help others in the process. You will be rewarded in the end, although not necessarily with tangible rewards, and these rewards are what help us stay motivated to live with passion.

We all have areas in life we are passionate about. It is important to find these and share them, with ourselves and others if we choose. Living each and every day with passion will come with ease. If it takes a little effort, remember it is worth it! We are only here for a short time, it is important we make the most of it!

Problems with communication in relationships…

I could talk about relationships with family, friends, or business associates. I could talk about our most intimate relationships, with spouse or partner. The most important aspect of any communication in relationships-the best way to avoid problems-is by being a good listener.

Although it is possible to have problems in communications because of things that are said, especially when tempers rise, many of these problems can be avoided through the art of listening. And listening is not something you are either good at or not. It is a skill that can be learned.

One simple way to practice and improve your listening skills is by repeating back to someone what you thought you heard them say. Many problems in conversations or arguments are due to misunderstanding what the other person is trying to say. You end up responding to something the other person never said or never intended to say. If both parties practice this, regardless of whether you agree or disagree, at least you will both understand the other’s position.

Another big problem in communication in relationships is accusation and defensiveness. When you accuse someone of doing something or intending something, it is almost impossible for him or her to respond to you with anything but defensiveness. The accusation takes the form of what they did or what they said. In other words, the communication is in the form of holding them responsible for something.

The way to avoid defensiveness, or minimizing it, is by talking about how you were impacted by what was said or what occurred. You do not talk about what the other person did or said. You talk about how their actions or words affected you. In communication psychology these are called “I” messages.

Instead of saying, “You hurt me,” you say, “I felt hurt by what you did.” This is a bit subtle but you can see that there is an accusation of wrongdoing in the first statement and a statement of your own feelings in the second. This is a habit that must be cultivated and practiced but it can head off a lot of angry arguments by staying away from accusing.

By using “I” messages, you are simply giving feedback. You are expressing your feelings without accusing. This kind of feedback gives the other a chance to respond. Since they haven’t been accused, they don’t need to defend.

There’s nothing wrong with disagreeing, with arguing, or even fighting, as long as you fight fair. Fighting fair means listening to the other and making sure you understand what they are saying. It means using “I” statements rather than accusing. It also means that you stay focused in the present and focused on the present issue. Fighting fair means you don’t bring up the past in order to use it as a weapon.

Problems can also be avoided in communication if there is no sense of winning and losing. If one person wins an argument, you both lose. If, after listening and discussing your differences, you feel that you were wrong, you simply acknowledge the other person’s feelings and you apologize. If you are able to do that, you both win.

Finally, many problems in communication occur because one or both individuals may be upset about something that has nothing to do with your current interactions. This is the phenomenon of coming home from work upset and kicking the dog. If you don’t have a dog to kick, you may pick a fight with your spouse. Problems can be avoided in communications if you are aware of your mood and don’t take it out on your spouse.

It is better to tell your partner right away that you had a terrible day and you are really irritable. Your partner or spouse can then become your ally and support you rather than being your whipping post. In general, the sharing of feelings and moods is very good for keeping communications clean and open.

When dealing with someone you love and who loves you, always assume that their intentions are positive and loving. Assume that yours are as well. An argument or a fight is an aberration.

People who love each other get angry at each other mainly because one or the other has done something that disappointed. Because we love someone, we have certain loving expectations of their behavior, especially toward us. When they fall short of that loving expectation we get angry. So even when we fight, it is because we love each other.

It is always possible to get back to the love that underlies every communication problem, to forgive and heal and to simply try to do better next time. Communication is a skill that can be practiced and it is well worth the time and effort.

What are some clues to know if he’s “Mr. Wrong” ?… I’ll give you 99!

I created a list of 99 Reasons. That’s right, 99. Some are my own, some are culled from other sites, all I agree with. Well, most; some are jokes, obviously.

As you read these, remember the thing about red flags: they are warnings of potential problems, not necessarily deal-breakers. No one is perfect, so you will probably have a red flag or two with just about any guy. It’s when you start having four, five, eight, ten red flags that you need to think very hard about where your relationship can go.

You might not agree with all of these. I’m okay with that. We all have different tolerance levels; one woman’s red flag is another woman’s deal-breaker and a third woman’s non-issue. Like most things, it’s subjective. 

Now, let’s git ‘er done.

1. He says, “Let’s git ‘er done.”
2. He’s rude to the waitress.
3. He’s habitually late.
4. He disparages his own family.
5. He talks too much about money, politics or religion.
6. He refers to his exes as bitches, whores, fat pigs, c**ts, psychos, etc.
7. The breakups were all their fault, not his.
8. He can’t drink without getting drunk.
9. He wants lots of high-fives. “You like beer, too? High-five!”
10. None of his relationships lasts longer than a couple of months.
11. He’s been married and divorced more than once.
12. He’s hiding something. “Only call me on this number.”
13. He doesn’t hold the door, help you with your coat, walk you to the car, etc. No manners.
14. He takes phone calls during your date.
15. He refuses even to try sushi.
16. He expects you to split the check on the first date.
17. He’s “not really into books.”
18. He’s never traveled beyond his home state.
19. He talks about his mother all night.
20. He talks about his ex-wife all night.
21. He talks about Jesus all night.
22. He tells you why he’s going to the restroom. “I gotta drain the weasel!”
23. He refers to things he doesn’t like as “gay.”
24. He routinely uses words like “fag,” “queer,” “dyke,” or “rug muncher” to describe a gay person.
25. He uses racial slurs or tells racist jokes.
26. He has bad hygiene.
27. He’s too primped: manicure, eyebrows waxed, hair bleached, etc.
28. He has no sense of humor.
29. He hates kids and animals.
30. He has no hobbies. Watching football doesn’t count.
31. He wears skinny jeans
32. He wears guyliner.
33. He one-ups you a lot. 
34. He knows everything and won’t let you forget it.
35. He talks about himself all the time and asks few questions about you.
36. He isn’t open to points of view that differ from his.
37. He frequently answers, “It’s complicated” in reply to a question from you.
38. He won’t see a “chick flick.”
39. He starts lobbying for sex on the first date.
40. He asks to borrow money.
41. He won’t make a move even when it’s time to make a move.
42. You’ve dated for several months and haven’t met any of his friends, family or co-workers.
43. You catch him in a lie. 
44. He sometimes won’t answer your phone calls or return your texts.
45. He criticizes you early on.
46. You have to initiate every date.
47. He calls you his girlfriend by your second date.
48. He comments too much on what or how much you eat.
49. He never wants to go out. “Let’s stay in.”
50. He has Playboy centerfolds hanging on the back of his bedroom door.
51. He tells you how much money he makes.
52. He tells you what he spent on his home.
53. He tells you what he spent on his car.
54. He tells you what he spends on hookers.
55. He has a child(ren) that he “doesn’t see that much.”
56. He lives at home and seems to be in no hurry to leave. 
57. He doesn’t know how to do laundry, mop a floor, clean a tub, or make a simple dinner.
58. He uses the phrase “women’s work.”
59. He never invites you to his place. What’s he hiding? 
60. He’s generally negative; everything sucks.
61. He likes the mirror too much; he’s vain.
62. He’s a narcissist: everything is about him. What you said earlier about men, were you talking about him?
63. He drives a fancy car but rents his home. (This is debatable) 
64. He drops a lot of not-so-subtle brags on himself: “I hated to take a break from writing my memoirs and training for the decathlon, but when a good friend like Matt Damon asks you to help him build thatch huts for the poor and disenfranchised in Sri Lanka for a month, how do you say no?”
65. He has more clothes than you.
66. He refers to sex as “hitting it.”
67. His ex is still in the picture. 
68. He checks out other women when he’s with you. 
69. He’s vague about what he does for a living.
70. He’s not interested in physical activity beyond sex.
71. He talks trash about everyone, even people he calls friends.
72. He gossips too much.
73. He says you remind him of his ex.
74. He says you remind him of his sister.
75. He says you remind him of his mom.
76. He says you remind him of Mick Jagger.
77. His friends are jerks.
78. He’s sensitive—too sensitive. Coffee commercials should not make anyone cry.
79. His life is filled with endless drama.
80. He has never been to the theater, symphony, ballet or opera. The Pink Floyd laser show does not count.
81. He belittles your opinion.
82. He blames his bad temper on you. You provoked him.
83. You have wondered (even once) if he has a drinking problem.
84. He can’t be serious about anything.
85. He’s never wrong about anything. He’ll say “I’m not perfect,” yet he never admits mistakes.
86. He openly admits being unfaithful to an ex.
87. He openly admits liking country music. 
88. He has trouble articulating his feelings.
89. He has trouble looking you in the eye.
90. He seems threatened by your relationships with other men and makes jokes about them. “Who’s that, your new boyfriend?” 
91. He disappears for days or weeks at a time.
92. He constantly quotes his therapist.
93. He’s 45 but only dates women who are 25 and younger.
94. He makes a comment about your weight.
95. He can’t go a single day without working out, ever. 
96. He can’t hook up the cable to the DVD to the TV without printed instructions.
97. He owns anything at all with a Confederate flag on it. 
98. He spits in public.
99. Nothing is ever good enough: “Yeah, that was good, but you should have done this or that or the other.”

The most significant people in your life…

The most significant people in your life would normally be your parents followed by siblings and extended family members.

We are first sons or daughters before we take on the role of brothers or sisters. Our role will then be of husbands or wives and then fathers or mothers as we grow in our lives. We become grandfathers or grandmothers and with God’s blessings, become Great Grandfathers or Great Grandmothers. Our role will then become whatever role we take on in life.

Our parents would definitely be the most significant people in our lives. How we grow up as an individual goes back to the cornerstone of our family unit. When there is love amongst the family members, this is where we are nurtured when we were young and we take our values from the family.

Siblings that come along in the family unit are our companions and when we grow up being supportive of each other, that is where we can have support and encouragement from our siblings as well.

As we grow up in society, we have friends and teachers along the way. Teachers who have motivated us during our school days play a significant part in our growth as well. As the saying goes, “No man is an island” and hence our dependence on others and how they contribute to our lives by their presence gives meaning to our ambitions, our values, our way of thinking and so much more. In turn, we give a helping hand, a listening ear to our friends who need support and encouragement or just someone to understand them.

When we have been touched by others in our lives and in normal cases, would be the family members. People without this family support such as orphans or kids being fostered out or adopted by their adoptive parents find themselves being cared for by others who make every effort to see to their needs and love them. These people then play a very significant role in their lives.

It is very important that we appreciate the people in our lives and if we can thank them for being in our lives, it is a beautiful moment to cherish. Often enough, many of us take our loved ones for granted. Let that not be the case and let us be aware that we want to appreciate our loved ones and make every effort to let them know that we appreciate, care and love them.

We need not do great things for our loved ones. Remembering them is one way to show our appreciation of them and we can do so by taking the time to be with them, talk to them and just be with them.

Let us all take time to love our close and beloved so that they know they are loved and appreciated in their lives. It is something we can do and let us all make an effort to do so.

Being appreciated and loved adds meaning to one’s life and it is up to each one of us to do so.